Counseling session 8/24

This is the first time we walked into a session mad at one another.

I was upset with him because he, almost always, makes us late to anything that has a specific time requirement.  Why?  Because he works on his computer until almost 15 minutes before we have to “be” there, and then goes and takes a shower.  His response: I miscalculate time and think that I can do that one last thing, and usually it takes me longer than I think.  And my solution, which I have mentioned numerous times before: take a shower first, then work on your computer.

Why he was upset: our intimacy – lack of – non-existent – none!  This topic was the focus during our session.  Which I thought was good!  I felt as though we came away from the session having accomplished something.

Here are some of the conclusions of why intimacy doesn’t ever happen (Dr. Hanson had also stated these are the same issues all married couples, with children {especially with such a range of children} face):

  • a child-centered house (where the children dictate how the house/home is run)
  • getting to bed too late (due to the kids getting into bed between 10-11pm, and most of the time not falling asleep until midnight)
  • complete exhaustion
  • drinking
  • lack of connection to one another
  • no time in our lives to get all the other “things” done
  • physically fit
  • not feeling attractive


  • PLAN for your time together.  Yes – make a date for sex!  That way things fall into place the way they should.  Mentally prepared as well.  Stating this is just a start.  This will most likely not be the way intimacy will always happen in the future.  But a life adjustment needs to take place.  And this would be the first step.

This was supposed to be our “assignment” for the week.  To discuss how this would take place.  Talk about what it would take and implement it.

It’s now Saturday.  Our appointment was last Tuesday.  And as of today – nothing has been discussed!  Instead, he’s called upon me at midnight last Thursday.  Has drank every evening, other than Thursday evening.  This does not provide a great platform for discussion.  So we have done nothing to discuss, plan or implement this issue!

And I don’t really see it happening before our next session because we (I) have the drinking issue dominating my thoughts, feelings and attitudes at this point.  I just don’t feel like talking about being intimate with him.  And I certainly don’t want to be intimate with him right now.

I’m angry because JD:

  • has been drinking every day (excluding 1 day) since our last counseling session.  And drinking in excess!
  • has not taken these issues which were discussed in the last meeting seriously.  It’s all about him!  And he becomes angry at me for the lack of sex we have.  But takes no responsibility for it!
  • has resorted back to his old patterns – I feel as though we have taken huge steps backwards.
  • while I was out with our daughter last night, he stayed home with MJ and Scott and was drinking.  Drinking too much as well.  Why did he even have to drink while spending time with his children?  Why?

I guess our next session with Dr. Hanson has already been dictated!


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