I called it right! We didn’t work on the intimacy issue, or the “plan” to get some much-needed things in order. Which includes the time needed to achieve intimacy.
The session began, and lasted for quite some time, in anger, frustration, and arguing.
Dr. Hanson began by asking if we discussed or worked on anything regarding our last session? The response was “no”! And I sat in silence until JD could answer this. Which he began in a very sarcastic tone of “I suppose it’s going to all be blamed on my drinking, and isn’t that so convenient to just blame me and my drinking”!
I replayed the past week. Asking him how I should respond in a different way to his brother coming into town last Tues. and you drank to the point of throwing up, which I know you’ll say you made yourself because your stomach hurt. The next day was your birthday, and you had 3 beers in a matter of 45 minutes, before we left for the restaurant. And having 3 more mixed drinks at the restaurant. No, you didn’t drink the next day. However on Friday, when I was shopping till late into the evening with our daughter. You stayed home with the 2 boys, and drank. Oh, later you said you had such a stressful conversation with you parents regarding your sister, how could anyone not drink. I knew you had been drinking when I talked with you on the phone. You were home with the boys, why did you have to drink? Now, you tell me how I’m suppose to react and feel? If it’s not the actual act of drinking, it’s your hangover the next days that create such tension, and the fact that the elephant is back in the room that we have to just keep walking around that creates a tense atmosphere around our house.
JD felt very cornered and didn’t hesitate to state this. Dr. Hanson had many things to say, and asked JD if he didn’t wish to discuss this anymore. JD said, “no, I don’t really want to discuss this anymore”. Dr. Hanson said then there really isn’t a point in continuing with this session because this is a problem that we both have stated is an issue in our life, marriage and family.
Without going into all the details of our session. It did continue, we did discuss it, and it did end with the following:
- to accomplish a plan for intimacy time together
- to define the problem of alcohol as being an outside entity. Meaning: call it something, such as “The Beast” and when referring to it in our marriage, refer to it that way. When addressing it, address it as a separate entity. i.e. if I would say, “I don’t want The Beast back, so please don’t drink.”
- to define what drinking looks like in our home. Is it going to be permitted, or not? If so, how much, how often, and if I can say anything about it if I’m not comfortable.
Wow, this I’m not liking! I have done this in the past, and I know how it goes. And I’m not willing to put myself in this situation. Am I willing to try? Yes, but this is going to require an act of God.
Now, that was yesterday.
Last night……JD came home later in the evening. After his fantasy football draft. Ate dinner and didn’t feel good at all. So he went to bed at 9pm. Ended up sleeping on the couch, which is not unusual.
I woke this morning, took our daughter to classes, came home by 9:30 am, he was still sleeping on the couch. At 10am, said he was going to build some Lego’s with his son and ended up going downstairs to crawl into bed. Said he wasn’t feeling good! It’s now almost 11am, and he’s still there!
Helllooooooo! How many times do I have to point out what happens – you know – THE CYCLE!!!!!
This is a direct correlation to what happens after he’s been drinking consistently, in abundance and then decides to stop for any amount of time. He becomes depressed and experiences flu-like symptoms. I know he’s not going to acknowledge this as being the case. But it’s textbook symptoms and cycles.
So……..here I am – ANGRY and feeling the rage come over me.
I know I need wisdom:
Proverbs 15:1 – A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.
So I will hold my tonge. But I feel anger, and I don’t feel like dealing with this anymore!