We had not talked to one another since the last phone conversation in which JD explained he had “No Interest” in setting up the Friday evening date option.
He came home Thurs. night, no contact, no interaction, and off to bed we all went.
Woke the next morning. He got ready for work, we got ready for school. He left, no “goodbye” to me, only to the kids. No contact, no interactions during the day.
He came home Friday evening. I went downstairs to do a workout – and actually ran 8 miles. I have NEVER run 8 miles. But it felt sooooo good! It was a time where I could get away. Music playing loud, no interruptions, don’t have to deal with anything – just run!!
Came upstairs, he went downstairs with his briefcase. Set up at my desk with his computer. I came downstairs to change MJ’s diaper. And I could swear I smelled hard liquor. He had a plastic type glass with clear liquid. But my guess would be he had vodka with water in it.
A short while later, he came upstairs with packed bags and his briefcase. I did check in the briefcase, no bottles. However, it could have been in his packed bags.
Anyways…..he told the kids he was going away for a while and grabbed some blankets and pillows. That means he’s sleeping at the office. At least we don’t have to avoid one another in the home. I really do like it when he’s not around!
Fighting for our marriage seems to be on a slippery slope downward. It’s extremely difficult when I have a conversation with our daughter on Thurs. about how important it is for Dad and me to spend alone time together. Arrange for this to happen on the Friday’s and for her to witness him having no interest. She did ask why she wouldn’t be babysitting – and I told her Dad didn’t want to spend time together.
They witness so much. So much more than he will ever know and realize! It pains me when she comes to me, awhile after he’s left, and tell me she will stay home to help watch MJ. She has a youth group event she’s going to with her best friend Saturday evening. An event that runs from 3:30-12:30. One in which she’s been soooo excited about for weeks. How sweet! But something I would never have her do!
She feels my pain. She sees what her Dad is doing. Drinking has also affected them in a major way. All of which JD doesn’t take ownership of.
I came across one of my old journals. A statement I wrote down from “The Power of a Praying Wife” was: In every broken marriage, there’s at least one person whose heart is hard against God.
And not only has he turned from God, has a hardened heart – he’s filled with pride and self-righteousness! A concoction heading for disaster. I have seen him consumed with pride. More vividly since we have been going to counseling.
I certainly do not feel as though I’m winning the war that’s going on in our marriage. The war against Satan, the addiction, the pride and any other sin that is swarming around!
And all I can do is continue to pray. I’ve been on my knees!