I think I have really discovered what it means to find refuge in the Lord! I know it’s always been presented to me, but I truly feel it right now.
As I predicted, my husband is giving me the silent treatment with a few sly remarks and actions. Not a surprise to me at all!
This time I am not as affected by it. (That doesn’t mean the next time will be the same. It’s also probably related to hormones too!) I mean, it saddens me and I cry a tear here and there. I think anyone would if they were being treated by their husband in this manner.
I do have to say that with each episode my love for him fades more and more. And I feel hatred towards him too.
I start daydreaming of what life would be like on my own. Both of which is a scary thought and a refreshing one too! It might get to the point where the refreshing takes over the scared feelings and thoughts. It’s at that time our marriage will end. It’s at that time where I will have completely decided to stop the madness. But the timing of this: I don’t know. And maybe it will never come to be. That is ultimately my 1st choice. Otherwise I wouldn’t be holding on so much and for so long.
It’s God’s call! It’s up to God to work this out. I know it cannot be done without his divine intervention. If that were the case, then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. If it were really true that JD could do it all on his own, we wouldn’t be consistently in the battlefield regarding it.
I wanted to share the email I just forwarded him. This is shortly after he hung up on me when I asked him what it was that I did to deserve this kind of treatment from him. And he responded with, “are you kidding me? You really have to even ask that question?”
Subject: obeying in the battle
Acts 5:29 “We must obey God rather than human beings!”
This was one of the main points in my study last night. God timing is quite amazing!
It’s really so sad that the battlefield is in the flesh with my husband. I will repeat this, as I have said many times. I will not drink, I will not support my husband drinking, I will continue to obey what the Lord has called me to do (even when this brings me directly into battle – flesh and mind), I will continue to build myself and any member of my family who desires to know the Lord better. And in doing so I hope to gain the wisdom, endurance and perseverance God is providing. And my hope is that I become a better person. Maybe not in the eyes of everyone, but in the eyes of The Lord. I’m not here for a popularity contest.
Romans 15:13 – May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
This is the only thing that keeps me going!