Email reply

This is the following email reply from JD (my reply is listed in the parenthases):

Subject: RE: obeying in the battle

I couldn’t agree more with what you are referencing. 

Sometimes I think you sit and over-evaluate things to the point that you become deeply offended.  (This usually happens when left without dealing with or discussing.  One thing tends to pile on another and soon more things become offensive.  It’s not an over-evaluation.  It’s how humans are programed.  Hence the verse in the bible to not let the sun go down on an argument.  There is a reason for this!)

The idea that it was good enough to just spend time with you is so far from the truth.  (If you wouldn’t have hung-up on me, this would have been discussed.) I had no interest in going to Bostons without you, and I think that you are under the misguided impression that I would have been upset had you just said NO, and I absolutely would not have been.  (Given the conversation we had earlier in the day, what would have made you think I even wanted to go?  If this was taken into consideration, it wouldn’t even have been brought up.)  

(I could feel your desire to go from the very moment in the community center room.  I was an inconvenience to your desire to go with the guys.  Not so much with us going, or not going shopping.  But more so of what your true desires were – to be at Boston’s with the guys.  And quite frankly, it would have been an extremely odd situation if I wouldn’t have gone with.  Which I said on 2 occasions (at the community center) that I didn’t want to go.  One stating that it was all guys going and I didn’t want to be the only woman, and the other stating I didn’t want to be there with Tim.) 

I feel that you significantly overreacted to my “feeling you out” about the possibility of going.  I really didn’t push.  I simply mentioned it (I don’t know how much more “feeling out” you can get?  I said no to going out drinking 3 times yesterday.  And the point hit home only when I was going to drop you off.  How do you think this makes me feel?  Like a tyrant bitch!  Not someone I really want to feel like!)  – then you said you did not want to spend time with Tim – then I brought up that I didn’t feel that you needed to spend time with Tim, if we went.  That is it.  (So I would be sitting there with 4-5 guys, no other women, drinking.  How do you not spend time with the ones present?  That was just an excuse!  You wanted to go, so you came up with something else.  I wasn’t going to stop you.  But you really can’t tell me that you were so unaware of my wishes.)

We had a conversation earlier in the evening about going out after the meeting, and I was totally fine with what you had to say.   I was completely happy with the prospect of just spending time together in a different way.  I understand that it was probably not kosher to mention it again, however the circumstances were a bit different (what’s so different?  Because it’s with a bunch of guys that I would feel different about drinking?  And with a guy who I really don’t like the company of!)   and I didn’t know how exactly you were going to feel about it.  However, in retrospect, I should have known – and I certainly do now. 

Understand that my asking to go home had nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with you, but everything to do with your attitude, and anger, towards me.  (At that point, I really didn’t wish to go anymore.  Going home was the best option for me.)

I woke up this morning extremely happy that we didn’t go out with the guys, but still very disheartened with the way you reacted to me.  Knowing me, as you do, I’m certain you understand how difficult it was for me to say no last night.  That certainly doesn’t mean it was right, but just that it was very hard for me.  (I get that!  And I told you I did.  I DO understand how hard it is.  But here’s my point……I don’t think you stop to realize how hard it is for me to stand firm in what I know is right.  What I know God wants from me.  It’s much harder to go against the grain than to just submit to the “easy” way.  But the easy way doesn’t get me to the destination that I desire.  Or where God desires me to be.  So standing my ground usually means being on the battlefield with you.  And this, on one hand, leaves me with much heartache.  But on the other, it leaves me stronger in my walk with God.  Because it is through God that I gain my strength to keep on.)

(Every time I stand firm, He shows me my walk!  It’s awesome and erie at the same time.  But in this, I know with confidence that the choices I make are sanctioned by Him.  And I know I will continue to be blessed because of my obedience.  Something that is NOT easy to do!  But one which I will continue to do.) 

Ultimately, what I am trying to convey is that you are way off in your perception of my motives and feelings.  For that, I am sorry that it has caused you hard feelings.

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