I’m including and update instead of individual entries.
- We have not attended any more counseling sessions. It’s not been brought up or addressed.
- We had started doing quiet times/devotionals together in the evenings. In the last 2 weeks, it’s been about 6 times. Started seeing positive results from this!!
- We went to a birthday party for an old friend. Did have some to drink there. No big deal, had a nice time.
- Thanksgiving Eve, JD said it would be nice to relax to some drinks. I said “okay” but he needs to make me trust him. I don’t want to get in a habit of relaxing to drinks, or in the old rut. So we did. Played cribbage together and there was no over-doing it. However, the past couple of times I have had anything to drink – I really don’t like the way it makes me feel. It’s a mood multiplier for me – and I can’t say in a good way.
- His parents came up for Thanksgiving and his mom finished almost 2 bottles of wine in 3 nights. I didn’t have anything. JD said he wanted to have some drinks on Friday evening. I wasn’t kosher with this – there was no reason to. So why? He didn’t end up having any. Said he was okay with it, but he also brought it to my attention that he followed my wishes.
- Friday – he slept until 12:30 in the afternoon. I make reference to this because I believe it follows a pattern of specific days after he’s had something to drink. The blood sugar from alcohol creates flu-like symptoms, depressed, and lethargic feelings. Usually 2-3 days after drinking.
- On Saturday, he and his father went to the basketball game and he had some beers there. I didn’t make a big issue out of it – no big deal. Didn’t exactly like the smell of alcohol on his breath while sleeping. But didn’t say anything about it.
- Sunday – I went to church alone with the kids. He stayed home and slept.
- Monday – he slept until 10am. Was upset that it was so late. But again, it’s 2 days after drinking and he has a difficult time waking up. No drinking Monday night.
- Tuesday – Today was one of those days where it just was not going right. We all were stressed, nothing went smoothly, you know……one of those days. As he was leaving for basketball practice with our son Tues. evening, he said maybe we could relax to happy hour drinks tonight.
Well……..here we go. A fight. He left for practice and was upset.
After returning home, he’s still upset (and so was I) and gives me the silent treatment. I start a conversation about it being so unnecessary. He brings back to me…..you said I needed to make you trust me. How can I do that if we don’t ever have any? Excuse me? So you need to drink every other night just to prove that you can have only a few? Pattern happening?!! I just said to him that I’m so sick and tired of dealing with this. I don’t even want to discuss it. And then it’s also back on me. Stating that just because I don’t like the way it makes me feel and don’t want to drink, does that mean he shouldn’t? OMG – are you serious?
I go back out to the garage and finish cleaning it. Yes, I’m the one who’s cleaning the garage. But hey, don’t have to be around his sulking. He’s gone into one of the kids rooms and shuts the door. Have no idea as to what he’s doing.
At this point I’m back in my fantasy land of escaping. A place where I don’t have to deal with this. A place where all I have to contend with is myself and my children. This seems so refreshing and become quite real. This all has become way too much work. And really not worth it. It’s only a matter of time…………