The time has come! I gave him my wedding ring Saturday evening and said I didn’t want to be married anymore. I’m done dealing with this and don’t want to continue.
During the last week, it believe he had been drinking at the office and did various things to hide the smell. That would have been Wednesday evening. I was supposed to go to a Christmas event with an old friend on Friday. Didn’t end up going due to the weather. I could feel JD was a little tweaked, my belief is he was going to have some drinks while I was away. He was staying home with our 2 boys.
Saturday……I was plowing the driveway and rink out back, and took the older children for a sled ride on the lake. Yes – I’m the one who does the snow removal! Well, I’m pretty much the one who handles all handyman house type tasks.
I came in to warm up for a couple of minutes and dry my winter gear in the dryer. At which point JD informed me he was having drinks tonight. Also brought to my attention how clean the kitchen was, and various other household duties had been done. You see, this in his mind is something he should be rewarded with. And his reward is drinking.
I say I don’t want him to. He’s in the house taking care of our 2-year-old, and I don’t see the point. He then says, “I would have had something to drink at the basketball game if I went tonight, so what’s the difference?” He then went on to say, “I seem to remember that you don’t want to be the alcohol police anyway.” Niiiiice one!
Ignoring him because I really don’t want to fight and I’m having a nice time outside with the kids. So please don’t ruin it for me!!
So…..he’s inside drinking. I come in after some time. I’m downstairs rocking our youngest for bed. He comes down to inform me that our neighbor came over to see if he wanted to go over to the C’s for their Christmas party. Asks me if I knew they were having their annual Christmas party? I said, “yes”. What I didn’t mention to him is that I never told him because I knew it was another opportunity for him to drink. So I didn’t want to go. And he left.
Around midnight, or there after. He returns home. The older kids are still up, they had been playing outside sledding. I’m getting them ready for bed and find my daughter crying. I ask her, “what’s wrong?” She replies, “I can’t stand it when dad drinks, I hate it!”.
He’s staggering upstairs getting some Advil and then proceeds to go downstairs. Crawls into bed, smelling like an old stinky bar. I tell him he’s not to sleep in the bed, he can go upstairs. His response, “oh yes I can and I’m going to!” Usually he knows that when he’s been drinking that he’s to sleep upstairs on the couch. After drinking, he sleeps very restless. Snoring and having extreme acid reflux. Usually waking him up choking and coughing. So he sleeps on the couch. That way I also don’t have to smell his bar breath.
Standing at the edge of the bed, I remove my ring, set it on the end table and tell him, “I don’t want to be married anymore, I’m done!” I continued to say, “your drinking has brought tears to your daughter’s eyes, she’s crying upstairs”. His response, “I’m sure it’s because of all the things you have said to her about it”. He rolled over and I don’t know if he just ignored me or actually passed out?
I slept out in the family room, a room located next to our bedroom and could hear him struggling with his acid reflux and all the issues he has from drinking. At some point, I woke up and could hear him upstairs. I believe he was throwing up.
Sunday morning came, I got ready for church. While getting a few things from the bedroom, JD handed my ring back to me. I said, “no, I told you I don’t want to do this anymore”. I grabbed my laptop computer, Bible, devotion, and left for the 11am church service. My son had a basketball tournament @ 2:30, so I was going to drive separate from them. I brought something to do in between the time of church and his game.
Around 12:30, I received a call from my son. He said they didn’t have to leave until about 1pm, so I had time to come home and go with them. I told him I will meet him there. A few minutes later JD called and said “that was crazy, it was snowing and the trip down to the game was an hour each way”. My reply, “I don’t want to drive with you, I will meet you guys there”.
Didn’t say a word during the entire time of the tournament, almost 4 hours. After saying my praises to my son for winning their games, I told him I would see him later at home and started walking out. JD called for me, I turned around to see what he had to say. His reply, “I wanted to have a family meeting tonight”. I said, “and what are you intending to say?” JD, “I wanted to explain my issues with the kids and that I’m going to get help with it”. My reply, “I think you should, but I won’t be there, I don’t need to be there for you to have this conversation with the children”.
“So you’re giving up on me?”
“I’m just not doing this anymore. You can discuss anything you want with the kids.”
And I left. Drove around for a while and was intending to stop at a coffee shop, do some work on my computer and head for home later that evening.
About an hour later, I receive a call from home – didn’t answer. Followed by 2 more calls from my daughter’s cell phone – didn’t answer. Received a text message from my daughter: “Mommy can you please answer your phone!” Got me!
I called her cell phone. “Mommy, when are you coming home?”
“I won’t be home until later tonight. I’m going to go to a coffee shop and do some work.”
“Daddy wants to hold a family meeting and wants you there.”
“He can talk with you kids, but I’m not going to be present.” (You see, I don’t want to be put on the spot, with my children present. He’s a manipulator, controller and I will fall into his trap. Been there – done that!)
“Pleeease Mommy! I want you to come home for this. We want you here. Can you please come home?”
I pause at that moment. Angry that he has used the children to get his way. But also feeling the need to be at home for the children. My children’s wishes prevailed.
I replied, “I will come home only for you kids. And because you need me there.”
After our conversation, I prayed. Oh Lord, please help me to stand firm in my decision. Please help me not to fall victim to his manipulation. Please hold my tongue as the children do not need to be a part of this. Protect my children and me during this time because I know this is not going to turn out how JD wants it to – as long I stand my ground. As long as I obey YOU as you have convicted me so concretely to do. I can’t do this on my own Lord, I need your strength, wisdom and endurance. Help, help, HELP!!!!!