Attraction

Over the pas several months, JD has been working out and getting into really good shape. This is nice to see on many levels: his overall health, his improved attitude about himself and it fills his time with something productive (cutting down the feeling of needing to drink).

On many levels, this has added to our relationship! Very proud of him, like that he has something productive, isn’t drinking, etc.

However, JD thinks that just because he’s trimmed down (6 inches and going from almost a 36 to a 32) that my attraction should be like a magnet. That I should want him sexually in so many ways and so often.

The problem: our relationship has much mending to do. But he doesn’t think this way. Things don’t get discussed.
And it just dawned on me – he’s still only looking at sex and our intimate relationship one way – attraction!
Yes – I am attracted to him. I find him sexy. He’s looking really good.

BUT – he still doesn’t take care of the marriage. This should speak volumes to him that I do find him attractive and am very proud of him. Then why don’t I want to jump his bones? Because he doesn’t have my heart in his best interest. He has his own interest, the kids and the business that has his attention, feelings and his life. It’s not me. This is apprent in how we both treat each other.

And the fact that he’s still on Vicodin and I can tell his soul is lost in it. He portrays this vividly with his reactions and short tempers. The kids think he’s mad at them, they ask me frequently. And we just co-habitate. Haven’t talked with one another in the past few days. And honestly, it’s kind of nice! This way I don’t have to worry about his shortness, quick temper, and walking away from me if he doesn’t like what I have to say. This is much easier to do my day-to-day activities/responsibilities. The other way would be even more emotionally draining.

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One response to “Attraction

  • Sylvia

    Dear Alli,
    I happened on your blog when looking for “blogs” about “Christians dealing with alcoholism.” The reason: I have my own blog and because I went through a long period of having to “deal with” an alcoholic spouse, I was wondering if I ought to post about what I learned. I read all your posts here and see how you are making the typical mistakes we spouses of alcoholics make. I’ve been there, done that, and know how these things just make the problem worse–and us sick!
    I think I will post on my blog sometime about this issue (beyond the little bit I have already), but not for a while. For now I would strongly suggest you do two things:
    1) find a good Al Anon group somewhere near you and start faithfully attending meetings, to “listen and learn.” By good I mean one where you find Christian sisters who have beliefs in common with you–as well as a membership that will not censor every mention you make of the help you get from Christ or the Bible. (There are good ones and bad ones that way.)
    Then 2) Get with their program. You will have to admit your powerlessness over the problem, your need for God to “restore you to sanity” (because when one family member has an alcohol problem, usually the whole family has gotten “sick”), then turn your will in the matter over to God, and by His guidance and help do your utmost to get emotionally healthy yourself.
    Your focus will shift away from the alcoholic to your own state and that of your children. And if you do look to God and apply the wisdom to be gained from Him and Al Anon, you may, like I did, find yourself growing into a deeper, richer relationship with Him and a stronger faith than ever before.
    I wish you well, and will pray for you.

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