Over the pas several months, JD has been working out and getting into really good shape. This is nice to see on many levels: his overall health, his improved attitude about himself and it fills his time with something productive (cutting down the feeling of needing to drink).
On many levels, this has added to our relationship! Very proud of him, like that he has something productive, isn’t drinking, etc.
However, JD thinks that just because he’s trimmed down (6 inches and going from almost a 36 to a 32) that my attraction should be like a magnet. That I should want him sexually in so many ways and so often.
The problem: our relationship has much mending to do. But he doesn’t think this way. Things don’t get discussed.
And it just dawned on me – he’s still only looking at sex and our intimate relationship one way – attraction!
Yes – I am attracted to him. I find him sexy. He’s looking really good.
BUT – he still doesn’t take care of the marriage. This should speak volumes to him that I do find him attractive and am very proud of him. Then why don’t I want to jump his bones? Because he doesn’t have my heart in his best interest. He has his own interest, the kids and the business that has his attention, feelings and his life. It’s not me. This is apprent in how we both treat each other.
And the fact that he’s still on Vicodin and I can tell his soul is lost in it. He portrays this vividly with his reactions and short tempers. The kids think he’s mad at them, they ask me frequently. And we just co-habitate. Haven’t talked with one another in the past few days. And honestly, it’s kind of nice! This way I don’t have to worry about his shortness, quick temper, and walking away from me if he doesn’t like what I have to say. This is much easier to do my day-to-day activities/responsibilities. The other way would be even more emotionally draining.