Contemplated

All day (Tuesday) I contemplated having some sort of discussion with the kids.  I have been pretty honest and forthcoming with regards to JD’s addictions.  I mean – come on – I only had to fill in the blanks.  As always…….they are very perceptive.  Knowing more than I ever thought they did.  Much too wise at such a young age: 11 and 14.

But I really didn’t have to think about this discussion too much longer.  It was early evening when JD called the house and talked with all 3 children and when Faith handed me the phone while saying, “here’s mom.”  JD had already hung up the phone.  I didn’t have to say anything.  They asked me all the essential questions and figured out most of why we were not talking to one another.

So…….the conversation began.  Faith was asking most of the questions.  Remember…this past weekend she attended a very moving youth Christian conference (the same one she attended a year ago-just before the fall out).  She also has referenced that this past weekend was one year since……..”The Big Event” and how it’s amazing that a year has passed and dad hasn’t had anything to drink.  Gulp!

How could I sit across from her and allow her to feed JD’s lies?  I couldn’t!

She feels betrayed, lied to, scared, and waves of emotions (past and present) overcome her.  She feels the attacks of Satan and the battle.

Here’s the thing………I can not believe that JD would think it’s okay drink while away in FL this past summer, continue to take a narcotic drug that he has been highly addicted to in the past, and drink while currently away in TX – all the while acting like “It’s NO BIG DEAL!”  Let’s add-on top of all just mentioned that he has not been forthcoming with the children when they have referenced his sobriety, he has chosen to drink on the year anniversary of him almost taking his own life.

Which brings me to one more point.  During a meeting, with the doctor from the psychiatric ward, he was informed of how dangerous it is to drink alcohol while taking Vicodin.  You literally can shut down organs.  He was dumbfounded by this knowledge.  And yet……he’s doing it!

And now…….how exactly am I suppose to act and respond?

In the next posts, I will go into detail how his moods, anger, emotions, depression and overall countenance has escalated in the prior few months.  Which leads to some extremely worrisome phone calls while being lost in TX.  All of which go hand in hand with an addictive personality – one that is leading up to falling from the straight (sober) path.

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6 responses to “Contemplated

  • washingtonpharmgirl

    I just found your blog. It breaks my heart. My husband is also an alcoholic. When he was sober, he would pop pills or take cold medicine. He has been in treatment several times. I feel trapped. A lot. But I am learning to take things one day at a time and let go and let God. This is not a magic cure, but it sure helps my sanity. God bless you and if you ever want to talk, just send me a note.

  • S

    I just wanted you to know that I see my own life in this blog. Thank you for sharing all of this, I have spent the entire weekend reading every post. After a binge on my husbands part I did a few google searches and found your blog. I believe God sent me here to find strength for my situation through your writing. I hope all is well with your family. God bless.

    • wivesofalcoholics

      I am very pleased you were able to find strength! I remember when I started this blog, I felt so alone! I thought to myself, “I can’t be the only Christian wife out there who struggles in this area!” The demons that take control are so powerful and sometimes feel too large!! It has been quite some time since I have posted, probably because for the most part – things have been good! No major complaints in the drinking department. There have been times, but it’s never at home and doesn’t interfere or control our lives. I don’t think there will ever be a time in which I am not on guard.
      However, I know our family is still dealing with things from the past. There definitely is residual affects.
      Hope you can find continued strength – one thing for sure is: Jesus is our solid foundation!! Blessings – A.

    • wivesofalcoholics

      How are you doing? Have you found answered prayers?

  • Y

    Thank you… I am grateful to have found your blog. I am in the process of reading through all your posts and helpful links on the website. It is a comfort to know that I am not the only one, but I am sorry that this is what we share. I think one of the most frustrating things is that he refuses to admit he has a problem. It feels so hopeless, and Christian counseling is difficult to find (he wouldn’t go anyway). Thank you for doing this.

    • wivesofalcoholics

      I sincerely appreciate you reading my story! I am truly sorry that you also have to experience such trials! Keep the faith, prayers and hope alive! I first started this blog because I felt there was no one else out there that was a Christian wife, experiencing what I have experienced! All the other blogs, websites or information was so negative and hopeless that I found myself not going to any of these websites because I would feel so hopeless. One thing for sure is……God has a plan! Sometimes we don’t think so in the midst of our pain, but have hope that God cares!! It truly is in the trials that we grow and come closer to Him!

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