Aftershocks Part 2

The first day of vacation. We have reached our anchoring destination, a day of boating activities, water fun and the first days work is behind us. The houseboat is quite large: approx. 3000 sq. ft./3 levels. I’m giving a detail of the boat so you will know some details of the layout…..which is important for understanding what happened.

The main level consists of: 4 estate/bedrooms each with queen beds & a flat screen TV, the Master Bedroom with a large flat screen TV and king sized bed. The common area consisting of a large kitchen with dining, a great room with living room furniture and a very large flat screen TV. This level is air conditioned.

The middle level consists of: An completely open level, with screens around 3/4th of the perimeter. A slide, grill and another set of stairs leading to the upper level. Within the screened area is a full sized (large) kitchen, outdoor furniture capable of seating 10 individuals, 8 bar stools around counter and a dining table with 8 chairs.

The upper deck (3rd level) is completely open with lounge chairs.

The purpose of laying this out is to describe how much room there is and the common areas where EVERYONE convenes together. With separate areas to be private.

There were a total of 21 individuals on board. 8 adults and children ranging from 1 to 19.
Our family: 2 adults, 3 children (ages 1, 9, and 12) and a friend age 12.
Our neighbors family: 2 adults, 3 children (ages 11, 15 and 18)
Uncle’s family: 2 adults, 2 children (ages 15 and 18) they brought a friend.
Another family: 2 adults, 2 children (ages 19)

So……remember when I explained the agreement of common areas and appropriate movies?

Day 1: Shortly after dinner and the day was winding down. All the children were on the main level. The older children had decided to watch a movie in the great room area and told the younger children to go find something else to do, due to the fact they were watching a rated “R” movie. Which of course the younger children did.

My husband was extremely upset and very aggravated, and had reason to be. I expressed to him that I wished he would go talk to his uncle about this so it didn’t fester and we could nip this in the butt right away. He said he wanted to wait and see how his uncle would take care of this, based on their conversation regarding this matter. He wanted to see if his uncle would give him the respect of honoring their agreement. I disagreed, but didn’t push the matter.

Day 2: The day started as usual. Everyone did what we usually do: lake activities, relaxing, enjoying the vacation with one another. Mid-day: I was putting my 1 y/o down for a nap in one of the bedrooms. Most adults were on the middle level playing games, reading or just relaxing. The children were in the great room. All of a sudden I hear some yelling and loud sounds. I came up to the middle level after the explosion and only saw the reactions and aftermath of what just happened.

The looks on JD’s uncle and aunt-in-laws mortified face was all I needed to see to know what had happened. Their children were also up there and tears were in the girls eyes. My husband blew up. He had already left the area and I was there to pick up the pieces.

What transpired? Again….the older children put an “R” rated movie on the TV in the great room main level. My daughter and her friend just left the room and decided to go to the very top level and hang out. That left my 9 y/o son with the other kids. He was thrown a different movie (an age appropriate one) and said to go somewhere else and watch that one. He then went and told JD – that set him off.

JD went in the room where the kids were watching the R movie. He was throwing stuff that was on the counter (not at anyone – just around on top of the counter) and was yelling very loudly at the older children about how selfish they were and how they only think of themselves, etc. I wasn’t there, but from what I was told his uncle’s children were scared. But our neighbor kids said it was really not that big of a deal, they had seen their dad angrier.

JD then marched upstairs where the adults were and told his uncle and aunt-in-law exactly how he felt. And not in kind words or tone (so I’m told – I wasn’t present). And then stormed off quite angry.

THE BLOWUP – and now I’m left with the aftermath!

His aunt, while crying, had said he hated that man so much. She couldn’t understand how I was married to him. That he was evil down to the core and she never wants anything to do with him.

I stayed an talked for some time. Only to find out that his uncle never had any such conversation with his wife. And even if he would have, she would not have agreed to this. It’s up to them to determine if their children should watch whatever kind of movie they see fit. This would have never even entered as a possibility if she were in the loop of the conversation/agreement.

And who is JD to be making such demands? Look at how he has conducted his life. How can someone who has made so many bad judgments be one who passes any kind of restrictions on her children? They are good kids and she sees nothing wrong with this. I conveyed to them both that I very much disagreed with her, there was a conversation between JD and his uncle, I do not support the way he had handled this situation and was very upset with JD.

I was angry. I was angry because JD didn’t listen to me from the previous day. I was angry because I felt as if I had to fix more things. I was angry because of more hurt JD had caused people. I was angry because it was an embarrassing situation. The angry list could go on and on.

But what I did next, and everyone on the boat for that matter, was so UN-Christian like!

Anger that had gone on for many years, combined with having all the individuals who have stood behind me in very tough situations, compounded together in a situation that had unraveled in a matter such as it did was a perfect storm! And to top it all off, I unloaded that JD had started taking Vicodin again. BOOM – it was all JD’s fault! No matter what else had transpired, it didn’t matter anymore.

This caused an audience like never before. And I abused it! I’m ashamed of this and I have asked for forgiveness from my husband and God!

I had my posse all together. Anything that had led up to this moment didn’t matter anymore. It was ALL magnetized to JD and his anger/blow up. And we all shunned him. No one talked to him for days. I carried on with everyone, without him. We are on a confined boat, and didn’t have anything to do with him. Conversations occurred about him with everyone there. For so long I had built up so much anger, and I have to admit that it did feel good to have so much support on-site. But it was wrong!

We had several arguments. Many snide remarks continued from him towards me. He was upset with me because I had felt the same way regarding the cause of the whole blow up and I didn’t stand behind him. I told him that I actually did! That is why I had asked him to deal with it before it got to this point. What I was absolutely upset with was the way he handled it. (To this day, I stand firm on not agreeing with the way he handled it. But he/we had a right to be very upset.)

After many days passed, JD and I finally came together and talked. It ended in a very calm conversation with resolution between us. He then proceeded to approach EVERY individual, from children to adult and humbly apologize and ask for forgiveness. Many good conversations happened and some resolution took place. But I did feel much resentment remained from the others.

One thing about my husband is…..he is one of the most humble and compassionate individuals I know! This is one of the reason’s I have stayed and fought for our marriage! I knew that deep down, he is a VERY good man. He always sees his faults, works on them, apologizes for wrong-doings and continues to work hard at being the very best individual he can be. Yes….he has faults…..we all do! Yes….he has addiction problems…..I have my own issues too! But he humbles himself when he has caused hurt!

Aren’t there times when we all wish we could go back and do again? I know I do! I wished I would have been a better Christian and not treated my husband in that manner. It doesn’t matter what had transpired in the past, I still have a responsibility to myself, my children and yes – to my husband to give more respect. But you can’t change the past!

integrity

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