The process had started for moving the corporate office/warehouse – yeah!
Simplifying is our theme right now. At one point in the business, we had 35 sales reps nationwide and employed 18 individuals at the corporate office. Our company grew very quickly and it became difficult to manage how fast we grew. Scaling back was refreshing. Decreasing inventory and focusing on what was our bread and butter for the company was taking shape. We had agreed to hire JS’s daughter and her daughter’s friend, both returning from college for the summer.
The next chain of events will make your head spin. At least it did mine! I remember this day as if it happened yesterday.
April 11th, 2012 I came home from work. JD was in the kitchen and informed me that JS and her husband had been over to let us know that Bxxxx & Lxxx contacted them to see if they wanted to go on the houseboat trip with them? I was numb! “Are you kidding me?” was my response.
JD, “No! But they haven’t given Bxxxx & Lxxx their decision, they wanted to talk to us first.” JD didn’t really care, he had pretty much had it with Bxxxx & Lxxx.
I went downstairs where Faith (our daughter) was laying in our bed watching a movie. She was in tears. She asked me, “Did Dad tell you?”
“Yes, he told me right before I came downstairs. How are you doing?” I asked.
“It hurts!” She responded.
This had always been Faith’s favorite vacation and truly looked forward each summer to this time. The past trip was especially meaningful because our neighbors went with us. She had a friendship with their kids that was pretty close too. She was devastated by the fact that Bxxxx & Lxxx had told us they didn’t want our family to go, and “yes” that meant children were involved in the shun. However, they have asked our best friends to go again, who live right next door.
And not but 10 minutes after I found out, JS was standing right in front of me. I literally was shaking because I was so furious with Bxxxx & Lxxx. JS’s response was, “We haven’t given them an answer, if this is something that you don’t want us to do, I certainly don’t want to be another person in a long list of people to betray you and lose your trust or jeopardize our friendship, which means too much to me.” And she started to approach me to give me a hug.
I backed away. I thought to myself, “They had not said, ‘No!'”
I literally couldn’t talk. I wanted NO ONE to touch me, let alone hug me. I responded with, “I just found this out not but 10 minutes ago, you are standing right in front of me and have seen my emotions in the “raw”! I need to process this. I need to be alone right now. She still wanted to talk. I had to leave. So I went on a LONG walk. Came home, JS had already gone home, and I went down to talk with my husband and daughter.
While I was rocking our 2 year old, I emailed Bxxxx & Lxxx the following:
On Apr 11, 2012, at 8:10 PM, Alli wrote to Bxxxx & Lxxx:
> God never wastes a hurt! >
> Sent from my iPad
Whenever I had talked with Bxxxx & Lxxx before regarding difficult situations, this is what they would always reassure me of: “God never wastes a hurt!” It had always been very helpful. I just never imagined they would be the one’s who have hurt me so profoundly.
The following is the string of emails that followed the email listed above:
You are right, I do believe God does not waste a hurt. I really want to talk to you Alli, you have been on my heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I want to restore dialog and our relationship. I love you. I know you are very busy with work/family, etc. is there a good time for me to call you when you are not being pulled in every direction?
It takes a lot for me to trust people. My life has been filled with individuals who have hurt me deeply. I trusted you and Bxxxx, more than I have of anyone. I let you guys into areas of my life that were very delicate and personal. And I blame myself for that. I have the same regrets as God references in Samuel. It’s a sorrow.
You crossed many lines in the past weeks/months. But asking one of my best friends, my neighbor and someone whom I confide in to go to Lake Powell is wrong on so many levels! You never even stopped to think about how this places them in such a predicament. OR how it has deeply hurt my children!
You took the knife that was placed in my heart and twisted it. And I for the life of me can’t even begin to find an explanation as to what I have done to deserve this treatment?
The last two conversations were so disturbing that I have not returned any of the calls. And can’t bring myself to believe that any additional conversations would be any different.
There comes a time when it makes more sense for silence. Unfortunately things like involving our neighbor’s brings a silence to a halt, and a reborn restlessness.
I have done an extensive amount of praying, thinking and evaluating. And one thing I can say is I would rather live with an individual who has addictions, dealt with them and is as humble as humble pie. Then to be in a relationship/friendship with someone who doesn’t think anything has been done wrong by them, who judges other individuals and has the same actions as someone with an addiction – yet has no excuse for their actions. AND no apologies.
With JD and his addictions – at least there is a caring, humble, non-prideful and generous man. I never doubted his character. I always doubted his addictions and the control it had over the man I love. Remove the beast – which has been successful – and you are left with a genuinely caring, God-filled man. It’s just too bad you are so blinded, bitter and hateful towards him that you have missed the blessings of answered prayers.
What’s in the heart a man, he will speak with his mouth. (i.e. Lxxxx Cxxx) He got an earful of your heart.
You have stated you care and love me. Sorry – I don’t feel your recent actions and words to me have expressed this.