Aftershocks Part 18

The neighbors leave………….

This is what I forwarded to Bxxxx, Lxxx and our neighbors:

There is no easy way to write this letter……as there is no other way than harshly.

I cannot even begin to express the pain you have caused to Faith and me, but to our family as well.  It’s extremely hard to watch my daughter cry as she sees the Sxxxxxxxx’s pack and leave – thanks!! There was an inkling of a door open to a softening of our hearts, until…….you can’t leave alone the continued pursuit to invite one of my best friends, whom I confided in, and who just happens to live right next door!!  You knew our feelings a year ago regarding this situation, and yet you still had the heartless ambition of this pursuit.  And why?  This I cannot for the life of me figure out?  You brought it to my home, an act that goes far beyond disrespect.

Quite frankly, we are very surprised that the Sxxxxxxxx’s think that going on a trip that we invited them on, that we still have ownership in, and is with relatives of JD in which they know every intimate detail of what has transpired over the last years is the right thing to do.  However, as Jxx has indicated: “It is a vacation of a lifetime, at an affordable price!”  Yikes – that one cuts to the bone!! Everyone has a price.  Well at least we now know where we stand!

We asked for quietness and peacefulness so we wouldn’t continually be faced with various situations in which have prompted unkind words and attacks of what you truly thought of JD, our business, etc.  I have reason to believe you both still have anger and unresolved feelings towards us.  And I continue to ask the question – what did I EVER do to have these kinds of actions towards me?  You wish to hurt JD, but he truly doesn’t care.  You have hurt mostly Faith and me.

My approach to the Sxxxxxxxxx was certainly not “allowing” them to go.  Let me clear this up, I went over to talk with Jxxxx after Jxx had approached me asking where we stood with Lake Powell because they had been contacted by you guys in the hopes of them going.  My conversation with Jxxxx was to let her know that I was in a different position now than a year ago and we would not be going, if ever again, and it was up to them for their decision.  Quite frankly, I resent even being in the position of having to make such a decision for another family.  But I continued the conversation with a few thoughts and she ended our conversation with, “I think they might be trying to use us to get to you guys?”  A response in which I agreed.

I have trusted 4 individuals in the past several years with very intimate situations, confided in these individuals, trusted very deeply and had a great amount of respect for.  Of these 4 individuals, 3 of them have betrayed me, hurt me, and continue to do so.  These 3 are Jxxxx, and you guys.  Tell me how I am supposed to feel about this?  Bitterness in my heart – yes – right now.  Sadness – yes as well.  And many other feelings.  All of which I will deal with because I know how unhealthy they can be.  And I don’t desire to be that person I was a LONG time ago due to similar feelings.

I have had much time to think about why this has affected me to this degree.  I considered you guys more like a brother and sister.  Losing my brother, I had no one in which I was able to become close to (other than my husband) – which I allowed with the both of you.  Many individuals in the past have let me down, abandoned or betrayed me.  Hence, I closed my heart to most people. But I allowed this to happen – so I am ultimately upset with myself.  And this I take responsibility for.

In numerous situations over the past years I have learned many things – like boundaries.  This helped with handling JD’s addictions.  I failed to use this in other areas.  I could understand his bizarre actions were the result of addiction.  However, I have no answers to some of your actions.

This has caused such a separation and disdain with the Sxxxxxxxxx and us, yes by our choice.  I have complete boundaries and a wall up.  I have lost trust and respect.  These are elements that are essential for a relationship/friendship.

In a recent text, Lxxx had stated she wished to choose “love not fear” and would hope I would choose this too.  Your recent actions and some others that have come to light are far from love.  I don’t fear, I simply don’t respect.  I am trying to maintain boundaries in which are healthy for myself and my family.  This is the primary prompting of asking for silence, and the reason there has been no response up until this correspondence.  I am worn out from having to deal with these situations.  However, it seems we have to continue to do so, because like I already mentioned, it has been brought to our home along with involving close acquaintances!

As this has become reality, I feel a response is appropriate.  One of the main reasons for this email (along with cc’ing the Sxxxxxxxx’s) is to eliminate any misunderstandings or conclusions formed (as there already have been) as to where we stand or how we feel.  I do not want anyone to draw their own conclusions as to the impact, reasons why, or anything relating to this situation and attach these conclusions to us.  This has no doubt damaged relationships, maybe even beyond repair, only time will tell.  At the very least, please give us silence like never before.  I think we are at least deserving of this!

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