I’m not alone!

Thank you for all the wonderful words of encouragement and prayers! I know it’s been 2 months since my last, rather scary, post. I didn’t mean to leave so many just hanging. Life has been…….good, bad, crazy, changing, etc. I will fill in that’s been going on in posts to come. But all-in-all….things are OK.

It’s amazing how, in the years of this blog, I have been so encouraged by so many of you.

I started this blog as a place to go and journal. Since I’m in so many different places and can’t seem to keep a written journal as I use to, blogging became my way of putting thoughts down.

I do have several blogs. This one just happens to be more of a secret. Or at least I thought:) My immediate family doesn’t know about this particular blog. But what amazes me is how many individuals this has reached. I have been more blessed by others than I ever thought about when I began writing about “the dark stuff”! The areas in which I believe we all have, every one of us, in different and/or the same ways. But what has been so beneficial is…….we don’t have to feel so alone! There is such relief in knowing that this dark side of life is actually shared with others. And in that fact, light comes to it and God shines through it!

My hope is that some day, I will be able to help others even more through situations in which we all have experienced and maybe I can be of some help to others. I just don’t really think God is done in this area yet. The…..Be Sill and Know that I am God! is ALWAYS hard!!

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13 responses to “I’m not alone!

  • Mark

    Hello,
    I found your blog and it gave me a little hope. I am actually not a Christian wife of an alcoholic. I am the Christian alcoholic husband. It recently came to light that my wife has been having an affair for the past 6 months off and on with a teenager(19) in the neighborhood. She is also pregnant with his child. God has placed forgiveness in my heart and I told her I would forgive her, adopt the baby and raise it as my own. She tells me not if I don’t stop drinking, or she doesn’t know what she wants. When we met, I had been in recovery for over 7 years, but she was at least a heavy drinker. Pretty certain she is an alcoholic too but won’t admit it. Anyways I eventually started drinking occasionally and she would get intensely mad every time I did, however it was OK for her to drink. So I decided to start hiding it. I travel a lot for work and was able to drink the nights I was out of town. I had continued this for about a year to year and a half without anyone knowing. Living a double life, teaching Sunday school at my church, while drinking during the week if I was out of town! Well the past few months things of gotten pretty bad in our relationship. Several people told me that there’s possibility of an affair going on, but I didn’t believe it. However she became very distant I started to suspect something was going on, although I never thought this! I have since separated from my wife, for about a month now and she admitted to the affair last week. Apparently it happened about six months ago, for only a month. She said she broke it off with him, but never confessed it to me, and continued to live with me as though everything was normal. It wasn’t until I moved out, she says, that she was vulnerable and the affair started again. Last week she got drunk and accidentally told A bunch of the family that she was pregnant with this kids baby. I still love my wife with all my heart and I still believe in forever. I was hoping you Could provide me with some resources I could send her, or maybe even put you in touch with her. She’s very closed off never reaches out to anyone. But we need your prayers and anything else you could provide for help. Maybe there is no hope and I should proceed with filing for divorce, but I won’t give up on her that easy and I will continue to be a man of God, integrity and forgiveness, even though I’m struggling with my own personal demons too.

  • jessie.

    thank you so much for writing this whole blog. i have felt so alone and came across this while searching for help. i read the entire blog bottom to top today – really helped me process things and challenged me. we have a lot of similarities. so thank you for being brave and sharing this all. also, not to be weird i hope, but i noted in some of your post about vikings and twins – are you in the twin cities? i would love you too meet and discuss lives.

    thank you for sharing this all with us.

  • Gretchen

    OMG Alli, I found your blog and can’t believe how similar our situations are! Even though my husband is not addicted to medications, he is terribly addicted to alcohol. I can SO related to your lack of interest in sex and his blaming you for being a horrible wife….. I hear it from him all the time! By bedtime, I can hardly stand the sight of my husband, let alone have any desire for intimacy! My boys (mid-20’s) and I have recently started working with an interventionist who is helping us tremendously. I finally have some “hope!” The best part is that after we met with him, we found out he was a Christian, making it so much for him to counsel us since we all have the same belief system. We have decided against the “surprise party” intervention, but will be giving him a “heads up” that we have someone we want him to meet. He knows it’s coming because he found some brochures on intervention my therapist gave me the other day and dared me arrange an intervention on him! Sorry……. I think it’s just caused him to double up on the drinking, knowing he will be going away to treatment soon. At least I hope that’s what will happen. I simply CANNOT live like this any more. We’ve been married for 30 years. He went to alcohol treatment the year after we married and was sober for 10 years. Now he has been drinking again for the last 18 years and is in TERRIBLE health. I honestly don’t think he can last another year if he doesn’t get help. I haven’t been to Al-Anon, but keep thinking I should find a group.
    I’ve read everything you’ve posted twice! Would love to know what’s been happening in your life since your last post of Nov. 2015.

    • wivesforchrist

      Hi Gretchen!
      Been thinking about you and wondering if you ended up doing the intervention?
      How are you doing?
      I know I have not posted in quite some time…..life took over – both good and bad! Will be posting more about the happenings.
      Blessings!
      Alli

      • Gretchen

        Alli, yes we did a type of intervention. My son told his dad that he had met this “guy” that had really helped some friends of his and he wanted his dad to maybe call him sometime, and gave him the phone number. After much prayer, my husband actually called him and the interventionist asked him to meet for coffee the next day. They met, and the interventionist did his magic (of course, with God’s help) ….. and my husband ended up going to detox 3 days later and then on to residential treatment for 60 days. It’s so amazing to see God’s hand in our lives! Now, our 25 year old son is in treatment as well. I know the road to healing will be long, but now I truly have hope for the future.

      • wivesforchrist

        Gretchen,
        That is awesome news regarding your husband! Praise God!!
        I will pray for your son. It is really such a testimony to see how God has had a hand in this and given you hope!
        Blessings!
        Alli

  • Brenda

    Just curious if this is an active blog. I have found nothing posted for almost a year. My daughter found this site & sent it to me because I am looking for support specifically with Christians who are married to alcoholics. I was just hoping to find a place where we could help each other deal with the unique issues in a Christian manner. I have attended Alonon & been helped greatly there, but I can’t usually make it to meetings and have some issue with the “Higher Power”. I believe our God is a jealous God and wants to be recognized as the ONLY god. I do know why they do it that way. They can reach and help more people.

    I have good days and bad with my husband and sometimes get frustrated & need encouragement and sometimes feel I can be the encourager. So–my question is, “Are there any of you still there?”

    • wivesforchrist

      Yes! I’m still here:) I had become so busy and consumed with the good and bad parts of life that I was unable to write for some time. Completely missed it and now remember just how therapeutic is truly is.
      I hope to have the site updated as to the happenings over the past year.
      I too did not like the Alanon or really AA because of the higher power aspect. There is another possibility of Celebrate Recovery. This is a Christ centered program for addictions of all kinds. You should see if there is a meeting in your area. I did go through a Christ centered program in my area and this was extremely beneficial.
      Stay strong Brenda! We definitely are NOT alone! Revealing the darkness and having strength in numbers praying is how we continue to fight!
      Blessings!
      Alli

  • keitharenee19

    Hi, I just ran across your blog after staying up all night, again, waiting for my husband to return home from his binging session. I have been desperate to find other wives who can relate to what I’m going through so I’ve been searching online to get a better understanding and find hope. I noticed that you haven’t written since Nov ’15. After reading most of your posts, I’m now attached and would like to know how you and your family are doing? Have you discontinued your journal? I pray that all is well.

    • Brenda

      Just saw your reply. I too am wondering if this blog has been discontinued. I would really like to talk to others who are in this situation but are trying hard to deal with it in a Christian manner and please God above all. It is just so hard sometimes to not think thoughts like–“I’m done” & “How about I just go away for awhile” & other not so pretty thoughts.

  • Brenda

    OK, I am slow on the uptake and now saw your anser. Thank you. Yes, there is a celebrate recovery in our area & my husband tried it but he thinks (or so he says) that it is dying out. I don’t think there is an “alonon” type branch of it, but I will look into it.
    I was hoping he would go for it as he did like some of the people there and it was at least a step in the right direction but he never really did his homework or kept up a connection with a sponsor & hasn’t been back since before Thanksgiving.
    I know he is trying but it is like watching a poor fish strive to breathe after it has been thrown on the bank–very sad.
    I will be watching for more posts.
    Keitharenee, I am with you! Let’s try to keep in contact

    • wivesforchrist

      Brenda,
      I know, it seems somewhat difficult to get into a group that you feel comfortable in or that you want to continue to stay. My husband was in the same situation and didn’t continue to go to meetings. He is looking for a new meeting place to attend with Celebrate Recovery, and it may take a few times for him to feel like he should continue to go. But I will encourage him to. And seek another meeting if that is what is required.
      That’s a really good analogy about the fish striving to breath on the bank! It is hard to watch this. But I also believe it’s part of the process to look outside of ourselves and onto others. I know that I have not done a great job of this in the past. And it has caused me to focus too much on myself and our problems in our home. That doesn’t mean I should ignore the problems, but to look at others trying to breath causes me to not just settle on my own. Not sure if that makes any sense?
      Anyways…..keep me posted!
      Blessings!
      Alli

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