New Book

Almost a year ago, on our 20th Anniversary – 1/6/2016 – JD has wrote me some very meaningful words.  But what has stuck with me is:

We have been married for 20 years now.  And during this time we have had good and bad moments.  All of which have comprised in our “Life’s Book”.  Instead of starting a new chapter, let’s start a new Book!  Let’s use this pas book of our life together to learn and reflect upon in the writings of the “New Book”!  WOW!  Like that!  We are resposible, along with the Lord, to fill the pages of our book.  Yep….there is going to be good and bad in the new book, but a new book is a fresh start.  Like it!

I have also learned A LOT about myself in this past year.  Come to grips with some not-so-pretty stuff!  I had reached some angry points in which I truly do not remember some of the fight we had.  It was so very scary!  I literally came to a point of anger that I felt something very evil take over…..this my friends was very scary!  I had my fist clenched up to my husband and was actually going to strike at him.  I didn’t.  However, I did throw a laundry basket at him and many other items at the walls.  This unfortunately caused some damage to my walls……and myself!  I became out-of-control.  And I didn’t like it!

We did end up talking about it in counseling.  And came to find out that this is something that is not uncommon.  When a person hits such a degree of anger, it literally shuts off some portions of our brain and you can sometimes not even remember what transpired.  Along with a flood of hormones that happen at this point as well.  Many years of anger had surfaced this past year in our fights and had caused me to reach a state of anger which caused me to evaluate much about myself.  I knew I did not ever want to reach that level of anger – truly scary!




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2 responses to “New Book

  • gardengirl921

    I hit my worst ever anger breakdown 12-23-15 but luckily only me and a pillow were involved! It scared me also…to the point I never want to allow myself to let his addiction take me there again. If I do get to that point again- I’ll leave him. Losing me is not worth keeping him in my life. I heard a sermon last night that mentioned “Love endures all things”… but when you can’t mentally endure it any more.. is it love or just fear and pity? “Love is an action not a feeling” was also mentioned…Why can’t I have both?

    • wivesforchrist

      Ohhhh Garden Girl……I can so relate to wanting both the feeling and action of Love!
      Pillows are SO good for anger breakdowns! I really should use them more!! My walls have endured the damage of my anger. Fortunately, I have not had another anger rage in quite some time. But that’s probably because I’m in a “coasting” portion of my emotional cycle. I’m not sure about you, but I have different emotional cycles. Sometimes I can endure more stress, sometimes I have absolutely no patience whatsoever, and sometimes I just completely lose it! I’m coasting right now, but I feel some strong irritations coming on and my patience is becoming quite thin.
      Oh what we go through with the insanity of addiction! I’m convinced that God DOES have a plan. And God will use this hurt for good! We are not here to live a comfortable life:( (UGH!!) but one that glorifies Him. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to go through what feels like hell to be a light!
      Keep fighting the good fight!

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