Almost a year ago, on our 20th Anniversary – 1/6/2016 – JD has wrote me some very meaningful words. But what has stuck with me is:
We have been married for 20 years now. And during this time we have had good and bad moments. All of which have comprised in our “Life’s Book”. Instead of starting a new chapter, let’s start a new Book! Let’s use this pas book of our life together to learn and reflect upon in the writings of the “New Book”! WOW! Like that! We are resposible, along with the Lord, to fill the pages of our book. Yep….there is going to be good and bad in the new book, but a new book is a fresh start. Like it!
I have also learned A LOT about myself in this past year. Come to grips with some not-so-pretty stuff! I had reached some angry points in which I truly do not remember some of the fight we had. It was so very scary! I literally came to a point of anger that I felt something very evil take over…..this my friends was very scary! I had my fist clenched up to my husband and was actually going to strike at him. I didn’t. However, I did throw a laundry basket at him and many other items at the walls. This unfortunately caused some damage to my walls……and myself! I became out-of-control. And I didn’t like it!
We did end up talking about it in counseling. And came to find out that this is something that is not uncommon. When a person hits such a degree of anger, it literally shuts off some portions of our brain and you can sometimes not even remember what transpired. Along with a flood of hormones that happen at this point as well. Many years of anger had surfaced this past year in our fights and had caused me to reach a state of anger which caused me to evaluate much about myself. I knew I did not ever want to reach that level of anger – truly scary!